When I became pregnant, I realized that I had been given a gift. An opportunity to nurture and shape the life of another human being, my child. I am almost at a loss for words to describe the feelings that become involved with being a mother. I believe it is the utmost important thing I will have ever done in my life.
My first emotion was fear. What if I am not good enough? What if I can't take care of him? What if he gets sick? What if I drop him?
lol You name it I thought it.
Then it was a combination of emotions, gratefulness, excitement and awe. Each day as he grew in my body, I felt a deeper attachment to my unborn child. I was so grateful, and I stiIl am grateful for the chance to be a mother, a chance that I know God gave me. I was already forming dreams for him and how I would want him to act and succeed in life. I was so excited to bring this baby into the world I could hardly stand it, and I was in awe at the miracle that happened to my body to produce this tiny human.
Then the moment of truth, he was born, a happy healthy baby boy. I was amazed and so proud, words cannot accurately describe the feelings that I had when I saw him. I am truly blessed. I felt a myriad of feelings. Relief that everything went ok, he was fine. Pleasure of looking into the face of my child and knowing that he is mine (and his dad's of course). Fear again, because I would be taking him home in a couple of days and this was not babysitting, I can't give him back,lol. I never wanted to anyway, but I was scared none the less. Love like I have never and probably will never feel again. The love that a parent has for their child is undescribable. I never understood what that felt like until I had my son.
Then you have all of the firsts. The first smile, first laugh, first tooth, first step, everything they do is a miracle to watch. It certainly gives a parent a new outlook on life to see the world from the eyes of a child. They can be the funniest creatures as well. You never know what they might do or say, or repeat. The first continue throughout their life, the first day of school, the first crush, the first time they get grounded because they think they are grown and can say whatever they want. lol
I have made 13 years as a parent so far. I have made a lot of mistakes and added a lot of things, both good and bad, to my suitcase as well as my sons. As he gets older I have a new emotion and that is frustration. I get frustrated when he argues with me, or when he talks back. I get aggravated when I tell him to do something and two days later I am asking why he still hasn't done it. Another emotion that is often present is pride. I am very proud of the young man that my son is turning into. He is very bright and talented, and does exceptional in school as well as band.
With all of these emotions, the one that is constant and never goes away, is love. I love my child with every breath I take and there is absolutely nothing in this world that could change that.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My interpretation of Life as I see it
Life as I see it, depends on the day, the mood, the weather and sometimes the people around me. There are many things that go into our perspective of things. What we have been through in our lives makes us who we are, like who was or was not a part of of your life, what did or did not happen in your childhood. These things add up, and a friend once told me that its like a suitcase you carry around with you, and everyone has one. Some may be filled with sadness, while others are angry, and yet there are still some out there that have suitcases filled with happiness and contentment. Essentially our suitcases become filled with a myriad of emotions as well as memories and lessons learned. So that is where my stories will come from, out of my suitcase and onto the page. I hope they will benefit someone in some way, whether an answer to a question or a laugh at the right moment, whatever it may be I hope it serves you well.
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